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Put a Fork in Portland

Portland use to be one of my favorite towns to visit. It had fun bars and groovy thrift stores. Now it looks like Detroit on a bender.

The difference between my hometown, the Motor City, and Portland is that Portland’s death was intentional. Whereas Detroit was murdered by a perfect storm of crotch-kicks from the auto industry and a racist, corrupt mayor, Portland was killed by its own citizens and the Democratic Party.

I should have seen what the future of Portland would look like. The last time I was there was in 2010. Everything seemed fine except for the huge homeless population. Note to self: when you have hundreds of drugged-out homeless people living wherever they want in a town, death is nigh.

As I was walking through a park to get to a comedy club I suddenly realized I was hip-deep in homeless people (situational awareness was not a strength of mine). It looked like I was walking through the set of The Walking Dead.

Judging by the “aroma,” I assumed I was treading through their lavatory.

There were dozens of starry-eyed, semi-naked people milling about. Many were doing a dance I call the “Weeble Wobble.” They just sort of stand in one spot and sway but somehow manage to stay on their feet.

Then came the commies. George Floyd died in Minnesota, but BLM and Antifa decided to burn the entire nation. Portland would have riots every night for over 100 days.

By August 25, 2020, roughly three months after the riots began, a bunch of companies had already moved out of Portland. The first quarter of 2021 saw a 19.4% vacancy rate in Portland’s central business district.

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By October 2020, 20 businesses had closed permanently and 170 had closed “temporarily” or were only doing business online.

Today, Louis Vuitton is permanently boarded up and people can shop by appointment only.

In most cities, you can go to Starbucks, snag a coffee, and shop for water tumblers and coffee mugs. Not anymore. Today in Portland you pay for your $6 mocha choca latte yaya and you have to leave. The seats are gone, as is the Starbucks swag they use to sell. In Portland, shoplifting is a right because, you know, equity.

Greg Goodman, the co-president of Portland’s Downtown Development Group, sent a letter to Mayor Ted Wheeler. In it, he told Wheeler that businesses were leaving Portland but dutifully stressed BLM wasn’t the reason. The letter read, in part:

You aren’t sweeping the streets, needles are all over the place, garbage cans are broken and left open, glass from car windows that have been broken out is all over the streets, parks are strewn with litter. You are willfully neglecting your duties as elected officials to keep our city safe and clean.

Wheeler, being the good bolshie he is, responded to Portland’s chaos with a statement to KOIN News attacking the usual suspects

I vehemently oppose what the Proud Boys and those associated with them stand for, and I will not tolerate hate speech and the damage it does in our city. White nationalists, particularly those coming to our city armed, threaten the safety of Portlanders, and are not welcome here. We are at a critical place where police officers are needed to intervene in protests where police officers themselves are the flashpoint.

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How did the Proud Boys get involved? They didn’t.

Today, the Apple store is still open but has a huge fence surrounding it.

Much of Portland is boarded up.

Here is a charming video sarcastically celebrating all of Portland’s boarded-up businesses.


Mayor Ted Wheeler defunded the police by $16 million, and the murder rate exploded by 1,900%. Though black folks make up only 5.9% of Portland, they made up 41% of the murder victims. #BlackLivesMatter

But at least the rioting animals who turned Portland into a ghost town were brought to justice, right?

In June of 2021, one of Portland’s Rapid Response Team’s cops was indicted for playing a little rough with an Antifa sally. The team decided to have a protest of their own and every member quit and went back to regular police work, leaving Portland without riot police.

The Portland Police Bureau (PPB) decided to “re-imagine” policing in the summer of 2021. By that I mean they decided to watch rioters and not react.

On October 21, 2021, Portland police stood still as Antifa caused $500,000 worth of damage in two hours. The only thing the cops did was play a recording on a loop stating,

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Those who refuse to leave the area are subject to arrest. The bureau will investigate crimes and will make arrests either tonight or in the future.

The sternly worded recording didn’t work.

Today, Portland is just another wart of a town on the west coast. The city had 90 murders in 2021, a record, and is on pace to beat that number in 2022.

Portland is down to 777 police officers, which is a 28-year low on a per capita basis. Antifa, always happy to humiliate the cops, filed a class-action lawsuit alleging police brutality.

Liberal drug laws have resulted in Portland being flooded with narcotics, guns, and prostitution. Teen drug overdose deaths have skyrocketed every year since 2019. The city is littered with over 100 large homeless “camps.” Human feces (I call them “Ted Wheeler street kebabs”)are everywhere, including in balloons that Antifa throws at the cops.

The death of Portland wasn’t an accident. Mayor Wheeler has been a good apparatchik and allowed the Democrats’ brownshirts to reduce Portland to a contemporary Warsaw ghetto.

If you’re looking for a commie hellhole vacation destination complete with drugs, rape, murder, and poop, you’ve found it! Drug needles are free and conveniently located everywhere. The nearest restroom is anywhere you like.

Portland! Come for the coffee, stay for the poop!

Story cited here.

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